If you often say “I’ll never forgive myself for…” or “I’ll never forgive… (fill in person, politician, organisation)”, you could be creating a mental health issue for yourself.

Being unable to forgive creates stress, obsessive thought patterns, grudges or those re-running angry internal dialogues. This prevents inner peace, and inner peace equals mental health.

Every grievance and grudge we hang onto forms a little blockage that stops the smooth flow of chi through the meridians (Chinese medicine energy pathways). Those blockages can increase and create pathologies and then you can’t shake anything off, can’t forgive anything or anyone, become emotionally entangled and crave vengeance. It’s a bitter energy.

There will always be people or forces that block our progress or repress our dreams. But how we deal with them is an opportunity for personal growth.

My approach is to take the emotion out and look at correcting the underlying energetics. being unable to forgive is about the balance between what we call ‘Po’ and ‘Hun’. Po is your physical self. It is connected to your nervous system. It experiences pain and separation and makes us believe that the material world, or reality, is all there is.

Because Po is temporary it considers everything as a threat to its existence. If Po dominates we attack, criticise and blame. Po wants to get even, to destroy and to control.

Then we have Hun. This is the eternal, all-accepting all-loving spirit/soul side of us. If you cultivate your Hun you naturally, effortlessly forgive because nothing sticks. Wounding words and actions simply move on with the flow of chi. Hun is your ‘Contract with Heaven’ (Chinese medicine description of your purpose and destiny). Hun shows you your spiritual path. It wants you to succeed.

It is eternal and when you’ve got that big picture timeless perspective, daily dramas and grievances lose their power. This is not about being submissive, or never correcting wrongs or injustices, but about balance so that all actions unfold harmoniously and are beneficial.

And it’s not like Hun is good and Po is bad either, we need both. Po helps with our survival in the world, and Hun helps with out spiritual strength! The idea is help out our Hun as much as possible and lifestyle is the way.

A rhythmic chi-cycle aligned lifestyle naturally promotes chi or energy flow. This breaks down blockages in the meridians. It heals physical and emotional pain.

Chinese herbal formulas are also designed to do this, and DIY self-growth strategies including yoga, Qi-gong, or breath techniques are great too. Anything that builds your health through free-flowing chi, promotes your true spiritual nature.

In the short term, when that bitter unforgiving feeling rises, or the internal arguments, cynicism or negativity creep up, you can also tap Yintang, this is the ‘third eye’ acupuncture point in the forehead. Tapping that point instantly creates mental space so you can avoid getting sucked in to the Po vibe.

If you’re feeling angry, bitter or vengeful and want to be a better person, focus on changing your lifestyle not your mood.

Action not concept is required. The more chi-flow activities you have underway, the more your Hun can come forward, along with your true spiritual self which always acts with honour.

Make your lifestyle medicinal with chi and one day you’ll remember that you totally forgot something that used to consume you. My book Chi Health Cycle is the manual for this.